Deep regression

 It has been sometime since I recorded here, thoughts of our little brother Francis and of what he may have meant to his contemporaries - what he means today. I have been in regression, one might say since out of the depths of my deep depression no light has penetrated my darkness.

By this time I ought to be familiar with the tides that fall so far away from the shore that no human sign reaches them. Tides of my mind, have become my world and even the Saviour seems to have no help for me and so my Faith has failed.

Yet I have despaired and can no longer speak from the depth can no longer console me with possibilities of light-ending my darkness. And so I am.

Self-control

Day 13. Admonition 10   Of Bodily Mortification.   There are many who if they commit sin or suffer wrong often blame their enemy or their neighbor. But this is not right, for everyone has their enemy in their own control.  This is their own body by which they sin. Therefore blessed is that servant who always holds captive the enemy thus given into their power.  Who wisely guards themselves from it.  As long as they act like this, then no other enemy, visible or invisible, can do them harm.

“Let us go to St Peter and St Paul, and let us pray them together that they may teach us and help us to possess the unbounded treasure of holy poverty, for it is a treasure so great and so divine, that we are not worthy to possess it in these vile bodies of ours.” 1   Francis was crazy about his body, not that he was handsome, rather the opposite though that was not why he constantly referred to it as ‘vile’: He pronounced it his enemy, the enemy of all who would follow Christ.   Francis teaches self-control in the literal sense, that we can control our deeds by keeping our body’s captive. While it is true that it is in our bodies we enact sin, always our actions follow our intentions.   Thoughts then deeds. But can our mind be captive of our deeds and so is incapable of doing the good?

1( upon the occasion of brother Masseo’s elevation while at prayer: Ch. XIII of  The Little Flowers of St. Francis of Assisi By Brother Ugolino)

                             

 

Murderers

Homicides   For there are many religious who, under pretext of seeing better things than those which their superiors command, look back and return to the vomit of their own will. These are homicides and by their bad example cause the loss of many souls.   2 Peter2 20   20 If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. 21 It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. 22 Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,”* and, “A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud.”

The word homicides ought to read murderers since a homicide is the death of a man rather than the killer of one.   If we get above ourselves when it is thought best we do another thing than is wanted of us, and look back upon our former lives with nostalgia – we may become murderers of those smaller Christians who look to us for example.   This is something I seem to understand within me though cannot articulate it. There is a yearning in me to return to places where I was surefooted and knew my way, rather than continue in this way where I know not the way.   God calls us away from the comfortable roads we tread be they however rocky and rutted and towards another way that is full of mystery and never will be known even when traversed.   Though others look to us for guidance we need not fear to lead them astray for we are not blind guides; the Lord who is the light of the world goes before us. Even though we still do not see the way God guides us to lead them onward, nevertheless be not afraid for he goes with us.

*Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

 

 

Slings and arrows

Of Perfect and imperfect obedience – 1   If, however, a superior command anything to a subject that is against his soul it is permissible for him to disobey, but he must not leave him [the superior], and if in consequence he suffer persecution from some, he should love them the more for God’s sake.   For he who would rather suffer persecution than wish to be separated from his brethren, truly abides in perfect obedience because he lays down his life for his brothers.   For there are many religious who, under pretext of seeing better things than those which their superiors command, look back and return to the vomit of their own will. These are homicides and by their bad example cause the loss of many souls.

Whenever someone asks us to do anything that is against our own conscience we are permitted to disobey- in fact we must.   For those of us in religious life, though we do so (disobey) we ought to remain with our Superior, Guardian, brother or sister Shepherd; even when as the result of our disobedience we suffer persecution from our fellows in religion.   These slings and arrows are to move us to greater love for them, such a love like unto dying for them. Being like Christ for them.   If I have made proper sense of his writing, it appears here that it might be possible for a Subject to mistake the bridling of their own will for the pangs of conscience that would suggest to them that they do not enact the request.   Disobedience in this case is like returning to the vomit of our own self-will. Losing ground after we have come so far.

1 Firstly, because Francis wrote these words of admonishment for himself and his brothers I have decided not to sanitize his words by rendering them gender neutral – as I do sometimes.

What to make of his last sentence: “These are homicides and by their bad example cause the loss of many souls”?

 

 

Gossamer threads or thorn bushes

Gossamer threads or thorn bushes

 

 

Of Perfect and imperfect Obedience   The Lord says in the Gospel: they “that do not renounce all that they possess cannot be” a “disciple” and “they that will save their life, shall lose it.”   A person is truly obedient when they leave all they possess, lose their body (and their soul), and wholly obeys their superior, doing whatever the superior requires - (provided the person know that what they do is good and not contrary to the superior’s will).    If at times a person sees things which would be better, or more useful to, them than those which the superior asks of them, let them sacrifice their will to God.   Let them strive to fulfil the work requested by the superior. This is true and charitable obedience, which is pleasing to God and to one’s neighbour.

Obedience, thought to be the domain least visited by most children, can be a thorn bush seeming to ambush the adult in Religion.   I believe that St. Francis must have had difficulties with obedience himself; we read of his childhood escapades, his disobedience to his father. And I feel that his struggle went with him into religious life.   This is one of the longest Admonitions he wrote – and this is just the first half of it. The longest one, I think is the one he wrote on the Body of Christ.   (I have chosen to omit that one – for now, from the comments this month.)   Obedience has a hefty price tag that only the poor might pay. Forsaking everything one owns in order to follow Jesus is too high a price for most. Yet if we don’t, the Gospel tells us we will lose our lives! Surely we will not die for sake of thirty thousand dollars or more (and will we pass through the Needle Gate if we do forsake it?)   What is obedience?   In monetary terms: -For us today it is firstly: to set aside our income, once all our commitments are met and to dedicate it to the Lord’s use. To make beggars of ourselves is far too irresponsible a vocation for religious life today. We are to minister to the children of God and in today’s world that requires money, however tainted the ‘lucre’ may be.   Secondly, to do so with as perfect grace as we can muster – and this will grow as our relationship to our Saviour deepens.   Spiritually - Regarding our Superiors wills, more important than in any other age we must be careful that our words and deeds reflect honesty and goodness – that if our Superior asks anything of us that bruises their own conscience, in charity we must refrain from it and gently chastise our Superior concerning it.   The binding by gossamer threads of Obedience may be the most challenging binding there is for we can forget ourselves in our zeal to amount to something in our own eyes. Given patience we will find our hearts desires,( for higher education or greater skills or a posting to the more traditional Mission Fields) are become our Father’s will for us. When we have proven that we can be obedient in the little things…

 

 

When I have Love

27. Of The Virtues Putting Vices To Flight. Where there is charity and wisdom there is neither fear nor ignorance Where there is patience and humility there is neither anger nor worry. Where there is poverty and joy there is neither cupidity nor avarice. Where there is quiet and meditation there is neither solicitude nor dissipation. Where there is the fear of the Lord to guard the house the enemy cannot find a way to enter. Where there is mercy and discretion there is neither superfluity nor hard-heartedness.

When I have love and know all things, I am neither ignorant nor afraid. When I have patience and trust in the Lord as only the meek can trust I am neither angry nor careful of anything. When I have not  a care in the world, I am joyful and want for nothing. When I sit quietly amid the glory of the Lord I neither care too much nor indulge in anything. When I sit in awe of my God, he guards me from all fear of the foe for my enemy cannot find any way to my soul. For, when I have mercy and can be trusted in all things I have all that I need and my heart is not hardened against neither man nor beast.

True Love

Day 28.   Of True Love.   Blessed are those who would love their fellows as much as when they are ill and not able to assist, as they would love them when they are well, and are able to assist.   Blessed are they who would love and fear their fellow human, as much when they are from them, as they would when they are with them.   Who would not say anything about them, behind their backs that could not, with charity, be said in their presence?

True love is to love someone at all times no matter where they are or whether they are in sickness or in health.   So, do we love only as long as they are well enough to help us or do we love them no matter what?   Does absence make our heart grow fonder or are they out of sight and out of mind?   Do we take the advantage of their absence to gossip about them? Things we wouldn’t say in their presence?   True love has neither condition nor place loving all completely and fully. There being nothing  ill to say about them whether in their presence or not.

 

Know thyself'

 

Day 27.   Of True Humility.   Blessed are those servants who shall be found as humble among their subjects as if they were among their masters.   Blessed are they who always continue under the rod of correction.   They are “faithful and wise servants” who do not delay to punish themselves for all their offences, interiorly by contrition and exteriorly by confession and by works of satisfaction.

‘Know thyself’   Socrates' guiding rule was, "Know Thyself”1, and another says “Express yourself exactly as your are – and face the consequences”2   In knowing ourselves truly, of all our bumps and bruises, our bad habits, pride avarice – those things that always go before a fall. And we can be so mindful of other’s sayings about these things that we neglect to come to terms with ourselves.   So that we might be of one mind whether in the company of our teachers or our pupils we must offer ourselves to the scrutiny of our brother, the Christ. And so continue to carry our own burdens under Jesus’ easy yolk.   The EFO does not hold with corporal self-chastisement; rather we turn again to Christ for we can mend our ways as often as we break them. Christ will always forgive us and so we need to behave always in the knowledge that we are subjects of the Most High God. To be humble wherever we may be, to know our own worth.   If we know our own worth then we have no reason to boast to our subjects or impress our masters, with false humility.

1Well worth reading 2 For the quote rather than the content of the page.

 

Listen and Learn

Day 25. Of the Frivolous and Talkative Religious.   Blessed is that servant who does not speak through the hope of receiving a reward.  Who does not know everything, and who is not “hasty to speak,” but who wisely sees what they should say and answer. Woe to that religious, who does not conceal in their heart, the good things which the Lord has disclosed to them.  Who does not show them to others by the work they do, but rather seeks a reward by telling others about them.  These religious have already received their recompense, and their hearers take away little fruit.

They say ‘listen and learn’ and that is a useful maxim for those of us seeking enlightenment in a certain area. Ever been the little child, eager to show their worth through precocious talk and putting their feet right in the mire of a conversation too deep for little voices. Wisdom, the awareness of the moment in which to speak and the moment where golden silence speaks more eruditely than any teacher can teach.   In the world of the ‘Religious’ prudence, wisdom and economy of speech all assisted one in the steep climb of the stairway to heaven. It definitely does not pay one to brag or boast of anything, save one display one’s ignorance for all to see! Far better to do than to tell. Again it is facta non verba!

 

 

Joy or kill-joy

Day 24.   Of the Happy and the Vain Religious.   Blessed is that religious who feels no pleasure, or joy, save in most holy conversation and the works of the Lord. Who by these means leads others in joy and gladness to the love of God. Woe to that religious who takes delight in idle and vain words.  Who by this means, provokes others to laughter.

Joy or kill-joy?   It is to our credit when we spend time with the Lord, in our own room, even in our hearts if it is not possible to withdraw from our busy world.   St. Paul tells the Ephesians to “pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. (and) With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” Ephesians 6:18 NIV   And like our Saviour, we can teach others to pray, lead others to the joy knowledge and love of Christ brings. Yet does that mean that this is our only joy?   Do we not take joy in creation? Even though God created it and has given it into our charge. Are we not to be joyful at the birth of a new baby, or when we get top marks in a subject we find difficult?   Even those called to active lives in religion need to have fun otherwise we will not be healthy people, will not have balanced lives – and will be useless to others.   Do not kill joy, laughter is good medicine,   “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4: 8,9 NIV

 

The Talents

Day 22.   Of the Happy and Unhappy Servant.   Blessed are those servants who give up all their goods to the Lord God, for those who retain anything for themselves hide “(their) Lord’s money,” (See Matt 25 18) and that “which they think they, have shall be taken away from them.” (See Luke 8 18.)

Surrender ourselves to the Lord, keep nothing back and God can work wonders through us. Hiding our torch under the bed does no one any good, and indeed may bring harm to both to ourselves and others.   Matthew 25:18 But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.   Luke 8:18 Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him.”

Scripture with thanks from http://biblos.com/

 

Sticks and stones

 

Day 21.   Of Compassion toward one’s Neighbour.   Blessed is the person who bears with their neighbour according to the frailty of the neighbour’s nature as much as they would wish to be borne with by the neighbour, if they were like their neighbour.

Sticks and stones   We must all know this adage; that ‘sticks and stones may break our bones bit names will never hurt us.’   How untrue it is, broken bones heal – most of the time yet the unkind word or name callings can linger forever. Especially when we are not our usual selves.   When we are under the weather, sick in mind and heart we can ill bear the one who undermines our self-esteem and spiritual welfare by putting us down.   Let us always remember this when others are in the same  boat as we were.

 

 

Do not leave our pure hearts empty..

Day 19. Admonition 16   Of Cleanness of Heart.   “Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.” People are clean in their heart, when they despise earthly things.  Always seeking those of heaven, and who, with a pure heart and mind, never cease to adore and contemplate the Lord God Living and True.

I don’t know about you, I have a rather delightful image of a cherub sweeping out its heart, and polishing it to make sure it is clean.   Little eyes and little heart looking to heaven, adoration on their lips and bright shining faces, poised to do the will of the Lord.   In Francis’ time the Christian world was dichotomous - being clean of heart automatically implied despite of earthly things. Today we can fall into the same trap, wanting to divorce ourselves from anything to do with the everyday world so that we can purify ourselves and seek heavenly things.   We must do both, at one and the same time clean up our language and raise our thoughts, give ourselves high ideals and all the while adoring and contemplating God.   And think about this:   “When the evil spirit arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45 Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first.” (Matthew 12:44,45 NIV)   Do not leave our pure hearts empty.

 

I could not find anybody to console me

 

Day   16. Admonition 13 Of Patience.   While a servant of God is content, they do not know how much interior patience and humility they have.   But when the time comes that those who ought to please them, go against them.   Then they have as much patience and humility as they show at this time, and no more.

But when the time comes that those who ought to please them, go against them.     Francis Psalm II reads   “My heart has grown accustomed to unhappiness and reproaches. And I endured it when one person who should have sympathised with me did not, and when I could not find anybody to console me.” (Francis Psalm II 10-1;as translated by Sr. Giles EFO)   In his Psalm Francis refers to our Lord Jesus as he was on trial before Pontius Pilate. Though Jesus knew that Peter would betray him nevertheless he still acknowledged his humanity before his Father as he says ‘the one person who should have sympathised with me did not. Jesus.   Francis takes this up again in his 13th admonition – adding that it is in these times when our friends desert us or turn against us that we have only as much patience, or enough of any of the virtues, as we have in these adverse moments.

 

Puffer Fish

 

Day 15. Admonition   Of Knowing the Spirit of God.   A servant of God may know if they have the Spirit of God: if when the Lord works some good through them, their body—since it is ever at variance with all that is good—is not puffed up.  But rather they become viler in their own sight, and they esteem themselves less than others.  [4]

Puffer Fish   My reaction to this admonition is different than before, immediately I read the admonition  I thought of ‘Puffer Fish”   They are also known as blowfish, Puffer fish are clumsy swimmers who fill their elastic stomachs with huge amounts of water (and sometimes air) to blow themselves up, hence Blowfish/Puffer fish, to several times their normal size.   Puffer fish do appear on the menu here and there and unless the soup is properly prepared can be deadly, resulting in the person becoming a zombie.   Yet the poison resides not in the fish but rather in its previous meal.   In carrying out God’s work in the world we can become puffed up with pride when we lose sight of the fact that in our selves we can do nothing for the Lord; we are vessels of the Holy Spirit who works through us.   In forgetting this we sometimes become full of ourselves, forgetting the Holy Spirit, puffing ourselves up for all to see, the poison of our delusions of grandeur doing mischief…   Despite this I feel that reviling ourselves is too strong a term for today’s world. We do need to keep our proportions right, but rather than cause harm to ourselves, better to pray for the Spirit of thoughtfulness to remind us that it is God borrowing us for God’s own good purposes.   We are only truly human when we are conscious of our place in the hierarchy of the created

[4 ]Cod O and Is. read “If therefore his body is puffed up, he has not the Spirit of God. If, however, he becomes rather viler in his own sight, then he truly has the Spirit of God.”

Information about puffer fish from National Geographic for kids   And Wikipedia

 

If my finger sins.

Day 13. Admonition  10   Of Bodily Mortification.   There are many who if they commit sin or suffer wrong often blame their enemy or their neighbour. But this is not right, for everyone has their enemy in their own control.  This is their own body by which they sin. Therefore blessed is that servant who always holds captive the enemy thus given into their power.  Who wisely guards themselves from it.  As long as they act like this, then no other enemy, visible or invisible, can do them harm.

If my finger sins.   In these times, in my experience, it is more likely that the Holy Spirit will send us to Reconciliation for the sins of the mind, and by extension our fingers rather than those of the body.   The mischief in our minds in translated to our fingers and we type merrily away sending blessings or curses over the web, texting away on our mobile phones to send evil to those far away. Else we write calumny in News Print and rain scepticism down upon the heads of the innocent; then we point the finger at someone else, protesting our innocence as we do so.   In his own way Francis calls us to the blessings of a changed heart to turn our minds away from thinking evil and our fingers from writing hurt and to place these in the Father’s hands for God has no hand nor mind of God’s own to work well in the world, save our own

 

How is the Shepherd good?

 

 

Day  9  Admonition 6   Of the Imitation of the Lord.   Let us all consider the Good Shepherd who to save His sheep bore the suffering of the Cross. The sheep of the Lord followed Him in tribulation and persecution and shame, in hunger and thirst, in infirmity and temptations and in all other ways.  For doing these things they have received everlasting life from the Lord. So it is a great shame for us, the servants of God, that, while the Saints have practiced works, we expect to receive honour, and glory, for reading and preaching the about them.

How is the Shepherd good?   Unlike the shepherds of his time, Jesus was a good shepherd ,Robert Monti in his Short Pastoral Theology tells us that in the Palestine , of Christ’s day, shepherding was considered a dishonourable profession  and held in contempt by the religious leaders of the time.*   From the very beginning of his ministry Jesus shared this contempt and was considered vile and detestable by the Religious leaders of his time.   If we would share his ministry then we must be willing to share this contempt, to be detested and vilified; to allow the religious leaders of our time to send us to our deaths, if they deem it necessary. For this we will receive everlasting life in His name.   Unless we are willing to do this, rather than merely speak of it, (for talk is cheap) and of those who did so brings, shame upon us. There will be no honour or glory for us in this.

*Robert R. Monti Pastoral Theology Regent University Summer, 2001

 

Through the Glass darkly

Day3    Admonition 1c Of the Lord’s Body. So they who have the Spirit of the Lord, (which dwells in Gods faithful people), they, are the ones who receive the most holy Body and Blood of the Lord.  All others who do not have this same Spirit (and who presume to receive Him), eat and drink judgment to themselves. “O ye human, how long will you be dull of heart?” Why will you not know the truth and “believe in the Son of God?” Behold daily He humbles Himself as when from His “royal throne” He came into the womb of the Virgin.  Daily He Himself comes to us with like humility; daily He descends from the bosom of His Father upon the altar in the hands of the priest. Just as He appeared in true flesh to the Holy Apostles, so now He shows Himself to us in the sacred Bread.  The Apostles, by means of their human eyes, saw only His flesh.  Yet when contemplating Jesus with their spiritual eyes, the Apostles believed Him to be God. So today we, seeing the bread and wine with our human eyes, see and firmly believe it to be His most holy Body and true and living Blood.  In this way our Lord is ever with His faithful.  For, as He Himself said: “Behold I am with you all days, even to the end of the world.”

Through the Glass darkly. St Paul uses these words when he speaks of all things that fail except for Love. He says” 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.” Francis speaks of Jesus descending from the bosom of his Father into the womb of the virgin, and this is the same as when he Descends to the Altar at the hands of a priest…    When we do neither see Jesus in the Sacred bread nor contemplate him with Spiritual eyes we do not see God and do not know him to be God…and our eating of his flesh and blood condemns us.    But when we do our knowledge is complete, our vision is clear and we know that Jesus is with us until this world passes away.

God alone knows Godself

 

Day 2   Admonition  1b   Of the Lord’s Body.   For neither is the Son, (inasmuch as He is equal to the Father), seen by anyone other than the Father, other than by the Holy Spirit. So, all those who saw the Lord Jesus Christ according to his humanity, and did not see and believe according to the Spirit and the Divinity, that He was the Son of God, were condemned.   In like manner, all those who behold the Sacrament of the Body of Christ (in the form of bread and wine, which is sanctified by the word of the Lord) upon the altar in the hands of the priest, and who do not see and believe according to the Spirit and Divinity that it really is the most holy Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, are condemned..   The Most High having declared it when God said, “This is My Body, and the Blood of the New Testament” and “those that eat My Flesh and drink My Blood have everlasting life.”

God alone knows Godself       Unless we see Christ and therefore the Father through spiritual eyes, we do not see God at all.   Those that did see Jesus, physically, Nicodemus, his disciples and all others who saw him, were condemned unless they perceived his deity through the gift of the Holy Spirit.   When we behold the holy Sacrament of the Altar and, through the eyes of the holy Spirit, believe it to be the Flesh and Blood of our Saviour then we are not condemned.       The Lord’s Supper Instituted         26While they were eating, Jesus took some bread, and after a blessing, He broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is My body.” 27And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you; 28for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins.

Matthew 26:26-28 NASB